Viva (2007)

With its leisurely pace, it's impossible to miss how much work went into this film. To match the specific look Anna Biller and her collaborators were going for, all these period props and costumes had to be found or made. The same goes for the sets and locations. The result is gorgeous to look at and filled with bare flesh, but thanks to the presentational acting and blatant sloganeering, it's much closer to Jean-Luc Godard than Russ Meyer. Biller wants us to take something away from this film. Like Guy Maddin, she's using the form of vintage media to deconstruct the artificiality of both the past and the present. You become hyper-aware of the sexism and hypocrisy that was just underneath the surface of the "free love" movement and America in general. With a Trump presidency looming, a film like Viva provides as an uneasy reminder of the "good times" red hats want to get back to.

Showgirls (1995)

Outsiders often have a unique perspective on things. They notice stuff that others might miss. This applies to filmmakers too. They can see our faults and shine a light on them. Or in some cases, cast an artful shadow on them. It is no coincidence that of the major tributaries to the river we know as "film noir" is the cinematic output of foreign filmmakers like Billy Wilder, Fritz Lang and Roman Polanski. They were able to see the sickness that America was either oblivious to or actively ignoring. While I'll agree that Robocop is clearly the greatest American satire of Paul Verhoeven's career, Showgirls is a pretty great one too. When he directed Robocop, he was still brand new to this country and made a film that was most heavily influenced by the America he had experienced through media while growing up in the Netherlands. Showgirls is a film that comes from having actually lived and worked in America for the better part of a decade. This decadently ugly depiction of a violent and treacherous world where  there are no good guys came as the result of careful study. Of course it bombed. You can hold a mirror up to society, but you can't make them look.

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988)

Don’t ever let someone give you grief for watching trashy films and television. There is no such thing as a guilty pleasure. If something gives you pleasure, then there is something worthwhile in it. And in the right hands anything can become high art - just look at the career of Quentin Tarantino! What is Django Unchained if not a Spaghetti Western transposed the American South during slavery? Simply sprinkle in some high-brow film references and suddenly exploitive “trash” becomes “art” worthy of Oscars! The same could be said of Pedro Almodóvar’s career.

At their heart, all of his films are essentially telenovelas. Take Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown for an example. All the ingredients of a soap are there: melodrama, infidelity, an estranged son, a lunatic mother, etc. The only thing that really distinguishes this film from something you’d come across in the middle of the night on cable, is that it is filtered through the stylistic sensibilities and obsessions of Almodóvar. His colors and camera movements alone make it into something more. Admittedly, there’s nothing overly profound going on below the surface in this particular film, but you can also clearly tell that he is well on his way towards the equally soapy masterpieces that are All About My Mother and Talk To Her. Like Jean-Luc Godard said: It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

I am not even going to try to describe the plot of this film. Any attempt to do so would likely just scare you off.

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Though I've seen this film at least twenty times, watching it on home video for the first time in over a decade felt like a completely new experience. Weeks upon weeks of seeing this film in a darkened, rowdy theater had turned it into something almost completely different. When viewed in the comfort of your home, there are actually moments where nothing is being said/sung. Even quietly muttering the audience responses to yourself doesn't quite match the theatrical experience. If you've only seen this movie on video, you truly haven't really seen it. Do yourself a favor and find the a place to see it with people. The Official Fan Site even has a theater locator to help you with this. Don't dream it, be it. Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.

I'm confident that if theatrical exhibition ever goes the way of the dodo, somewhere there will still be a small band of the faithful screaming "asshole" and "slut" at a bed sheet pinned to the wall. This will certainly be the last film standing.

The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

It's New Year's Eve, and the passengers of the SS Poseidon are celebrating. When the ship is flipped over by a massive wave shortly after midnight, killing many of the passengers, a small group decides to follow the opinionated and rebellious Reverend Scott (Gene Hackman) to presumed safety. Who will make it out alive? Dun dun dunnnn....

This film is a cult classic, extremely quotable, and one of my favorites. It's epic, it's campy, and it's full of memorable performances. Reverend Scott and Mike Rogo (Ernest Borgnine) butt heads the entire time, Linda Rogo (Stella Stevens, and the best character in the movie) throws in her cheeky one-liners, the Rosens (Jack Albertson and Shelley Winters) are old and adorable and sappy, the kids are kinda bratty, and lounge singer Nonnie (Carol Lynley) is so annoying you wish she'd stayed back with the others.

This film is good pure entertainment. Yes, the acting is over-the-top, yes that "Morning After" song will get stuck in your head, yes you may never want to go on a cruise ship again. But it's a fun watch, I promise!

And if you're wondering what gear you need to survive a cruise ship disaster, just ask Linda Rogo.

"Just panties, what else do I need?"

Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls (1970)

A trio of female rockers called The Carrie Nations come to Los Angeles with dreams of stardom, what they find is absolute cinematic insanity.

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Nobody makes movies like Russ Meyer. Ridicule his subject matter all you want, the man had a vision. There is no way to mistake his work for someone else's and vice-versa. His world-view was uniquely his. Sure that world-view included women with inhumanly large breasts, but so what? So did Fellini's! If  photographing some giant cans was all it took to make it in the film world, half the San Fernando Valley would have three-picture deals at Fox. And I don't care if you do Pilates, eroticism alone can only hold an audience's interest for a so long. So what is it that sets Russ apart from the rest? Well of course there's the precise framing and the perfectly paced editing, but more than anything, there's the sense of fun. It overwhelms the entire picture. Fun is the thing that keeps viewers coming back again and again and again, even through the dark/moralistic conclusion. It's HIS happening and it freaks US out!

The Tingler (1959)

A scientist (Vincent Price) attempts to capture a creature that lives inside all of us. It is deadly and only appears when we are afraid. The only way to stop it is to scream.

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On our honeymoon, 'Becca'lise and I had the distinct pleasure of seeing this film at the Cinémathèque Française on a double-bill with The House On Haunted Hill as part of a tribute to director William Castle. In keeping with Castle tradition, all attendees had to sign a faux life insurance policy in case we "died of fright". The fine folks of the Cinémathèque also did their best to recreate some of the in-theater gimmicks like Emergo, the skeleton that appears at a climactic moment in The House On Haunted Hill. And though it was far too expensive to rig the seats with buzzers for the climax of The Tingler, they found ways to make it fun too. Why don't more theaters do this shit? Screw 3D, I'd take Emergo over the Na'vi any day of the week! Also - how has this film has not been remade yet? This is body-horror a full two decades before David Cronenberg!

"Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic. But scream! Scream for your lives! The Tingler is loose in this blog!"

Can't Stop The Music (1980)

A highly fictionalized account of the formation of the disco group The Village People.

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Shot at the height of disco's popularity and released in the year of it's demise, Can't Stop The Music was destined for failure. Yet as bad as this movie is, it's not un-watchable. In fact it's actually pretty fun. Where else are you going to see a young Steve Guttenberg grooving around New York on roller-skates? Or a hairy-chested leather-man belt out "Danny Boy"? Oh and did I mention Bruce Jenner's in this thing? It's exactly like a Marx Brother's movie, only instead of Groucho, Harpo and Chico, you have The Village People helping out the struggling artist and the young lovers! Give it a spin. You'll have a gay ol' time!

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

This one has become something of a cult classic, and I remember watching it in horror as a kid. Mostly because of Bette Davis's face (sorry, Bette!). This movie is creepy, a little campy, and, oddly enough, kinda fun!

Baby Jane Hudson (Bette Davis) was the biggest child star in vaudeville while her sister Blanche (Joan Crawford) watched from the sidelines. As the years passed, Blanche became a beloved actress and star in her own right and the alcoholic Jane became jealous and bitter. Blanche became paralyzed in a car accident that everybody blamed Jane for, and the two aging sisters now live together. Blanche is completely dependent on Jane and Jane, clinging to her youth with golden curls and caked on makeup, gets scarier and more demented every day.

This film has a lot of crazy behind-the-scenes stories attached to it. Apparently Davis and Crawford hated each other, and went out of their way to make the other miserable on the set. Did you know Davis really kicked Crawford in the head? And Crawford put weights in her pockets during a dragging scene so that Davis would hurt her back! Oh, Hollywood drama.

Whether you're Team Bette or Team Joan, give this one a watch and make sure you eat the din-din that Baby Jane made for you...but not if it's cooked rat or parakeet, eww!

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2001)

Dr. Paul Armstrong and his wife Betty are staying in a cabin in order to be close to the landing site of a meteor that Armstrong, a scientist, wants to get a closer look at. Meanwhile, two aliens have crash-landed on Earth and their pet mutant has escaped. And during all this, the evil Dr. Fleming has made himself a sexy sidekick out of forest animals (she's appropriately named Animala) and reawakened the mysterious Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

This film requires some explanation. It's a loving homage/parody of all of those cheesy 50s sci-fi movies. Shot in the same style with an old soundtrack, deliberately ridiculous dialogue, silly props, and a nonsensical plot. Even the film's poster looks like the poster from Invaders from Mars (1953). The filmmakers obviously have a lot of love for the genre, as every detail is perfect. The film is hilariously quotable, and looks like it was a lot of fun to make.

I'm a huge fan of this movie, and even got to meet some of the cast at Comic Con in 2010!



I recommend this film to anyone who gets a kick out of the campy and the ridiculous!

MST3K: Tormented (1982)

Tormented (1960) is a fun campy "horror" film by itself, but I highly recommend watching it with commentary by the MST3K robots! In case you don't know about Mystery Science Theatre 3000, it's a program in which two robots and a man watch films of questionable quality and add their own hilarious comments. It's a good way to spend nights with friends when nobody can decide on what to watch.

Tormented is about a jazz musician named Tom, who is being blackmailed by his ex-girlfriend Vi, as he's about to get married to his fiancee Meg. Vi confronts Tom in a lighthouse, and she falls to her death after Tom fails to help save her. So, naturally, as any self-respecting crazy ex would, she haunts him, and his fiancee, and everyone he knows.

As far as B-movies go, this one is actually not too shabby. The fiancee's little sister is really cute, and there's a bit part played by Joe Turkel (AKA Lloyd the bartender from The Shining) as another blackmailer. The frequent appearances by Ghost Vi, looking like a poor man's Marilyn Monroe, are hilarious. Even more hilarious, of course, are the robots watching the film in the MST3K version.

If you've never seen a MST3K movie presentation, this is a good one to start with. It's streamable on Netflix, so get into the fall spirit with some good campy entertainment! You can't go wrong with disembodied heads and hands and craaaazy jazz music!
Here's a "best-of" clip, enjoy!

The Girl Can't Help It (1956)

Oh Jaynie. Some think of her only as a Marilyn Monroe wannabe. The similarities are there...blonde, breathy speaking voice, curves that are out of this world. But where Marilyn had a vulnerability in her, a realness, Jayne is like a superhero goofball cartoon. Everything is exaggerated. I adore her!

The Girl Can't Help It stars Tom Ewell as Tom Miller, a press agent, and Jayne Mansfield as Jerri Jordan, a gangster's girlfriend who Tom is supposed to turn into the next singing sensation. Except...she can't sing. Glasses literally break when she tries. But the gangster still thinks she could be a star, Tom and Jerri start spending a lot of time together, and I'd imagine you could figure out the rest.

This is a really fun film. It's silly, it's over-the-top, Jayne teeters around like a blonde Jessica Rabbit while things explode and react all around her. But besides being a celebration of Jayne Mansfield's anatomy, this film is a BIG celebration of rock & roll. It features performances by Little Richard, Eddie Cochran, and Gene Vincent among others, and even has Julie London performing "Cry Me A River" as her ghostly image haunts Tom Miller (she's supposed to be his ex). Great music all around! Yes it's campy and ridiculous, but we all need that every once in a while, don't you think?

Female Trouble (1974)

Following the misadventures of Dawn Davenport (Divine) as she goes from high school bad girl, to burglar, to fashion icon, to mass murderer.

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This film feels like the manifesto of John Waters in his early years. It's all there: his love for "bad girls" alongside musings on fashion, art, family, crime and punishment. But then again, all of his films are lovingly demented collages of his obsessions. I can't really put my finger on why I place this film above all others in the  John Waters oeuvre. Maybe it's the opening title song sung by Divine herself? Or maybe it's the line "Nice girls don't wear cha-cha heels!" Could it be Vince Peranio's sets? Or maybe it's the magnificence of David Lochary's mustache? AAAAH! Thinking about all this wonderfulness is just too much. I have to stop before my brain explodes. Just see the damn movie! OK?

Gidget Goes Hawaiian (1961)

Gidget Goes Hawaiian is the sequel to Gidget, with almost entirely different actors. This time Deborah Walley jumps on the surfboard as redheaded Gidget (and although I love both the original and this sequel, it's hard to say who whines more!). Gidget has gotten in a ridiculous argument with boyfriend Moondoggie (James Darren again) and goes on a Hawaiian holiday with her parents to clear her mind. He follows her there, she meets the bitchy and jealous Abby and the suave Eddie Horner, and drama ensues!

This movie is pretty campy at times, and focuses more on Gidget's relationships with those around her than surfing, although there's a bit of that too. There are a few memorable musical moments (Michael Callan as Eddie Horner has a whole dance number) and Moondoggie sings again, *swoon*! The main thing I really like about this film is that Gidget's parents (Carl Reiner and Jeff Donnell) (Jeff Donnell is a woman, calm down) have a LOT of screentime. While her parents were mere cardboard cutouts in the first Gidget film, they have a lot of personality and provide plenty of laughs in this installment.

So yes, it's silly, it's campy, but it's a fun little summer movie. And now I feel like taking a plane to Hawaii, don't you?

Quick aside, ladies: give some love to Abby's wardrobe. It's darling!

Beach Blanket Bingo (1965)

Summer continues! Apparently people in the 50s and 60s were absolutely wild about beach movies, especially if they starred Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. These movies were crazy, silly, campy as hell, but definitely fun. Beach Blanket Bingo is no exception.

Dee Dee and Frankie are a young couple who hang out at the beach with all their friends...which is pretty much what all beach movies are about. The plot's all over the place. Let's see...we've got sky diving, a singer named Sugar Kane, a goofy motorcycle gang led by Eric Von Zipper, and a mermaid named Lorelai. Add some songs thrown in here and there (my favorite being Donna Loren singing "It Only Hurts When I Cry" while roasting marshmallows!) and a bizarre cameo by Buster Keaton and you've got yourself a good time!

Frankie and Annette made many beach movies together, but this was my first and has a special place in my heart. Give it a chance!

Uncle Sam (1997)

An angry Desert Storm Vet returns from the grave to kill unpatriotic citizens over 4th of July weekend. Need I say more?

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By no stretch of the imagination is this film "good", but it sure as heck is FUN! And seeing as I know the kid who played Jody (Chris Ogden woot woot!) I am far more familiar with this film than anybody should be. Boy William Lustig sure knew what he was doing. Eye-catching poster, cheesy tagline, ludicrous plot, "name" actors and a whole mess of crazy kills. Oh yeah and P.J. Soles is in it too! INSTANT cult hit! This film is worth at least ONE viewing in your life. Why not celebrate the birth of our country by popping this in the old DVD player?

City of the Dead (aka Horror Hotel) (1960)

Beware of witches! City of the Dead is about a college student who travels to a mysterious village called Whitewood to do research on witchcraft for her class. She soon realizes that witches are alive and well in Whitewood and she appears to be their next victim! Dun dun dunnn!!

Christopher Lee plays the girl's professor, and while the rest of the cast are pretty much b-movie no-names (sorry, cast!), it's an entertaining watch if you're looking for some serious camp along with your 60s horror. From the spooky villagers to the naive student to the overly-foggy sets and witch chants, dead birds, the mute servant, and all the other bits of brilliance/nonsense, it's all just a lot of fun!

Keep an eye out for it in the bargain bin, as it appears Netflix doesn't have this little gem yet! Or, if you're bored, you can watch the whole thing right here!

The Bad Seed (1956)

The Bad Seed is definitely one of my favorite movies ever. I grew up watching this (is that weird?) and I always watch it in October along with the rest of my spooktastic flicks. 

Rhoda Penmark is 8 years old. She's blonde, she's sweet, she's polite, she's perfect...right? She's also manipulative, evil, and she always gets her way! Her sweet mother Christine becomes worried when a young boy at Rhoda's school drowns on a field trip, and Rhoda is suspected to be involved. As Christine learns more and more about her "angelic" daughter, she is driven to hysteria and acts of desperation, and learns horrifying facts about her own past.

While this movie definitely has its campy moments, the acting is quite phenomenal. Patty McCormack as Rhoda makes that Omen kid look like a saint. Henry Jones plays the janitor Leroy perfectly as the one person who's on to Rhoda from the start ("She's smart and she's mean...but I'm smart and I'm mean!"). Nancy Kelly as Christine deserves major props for playing a desperate and horrified mother so convincingly. You feel as though you're going mad right along with her.

But my absolute favorite performance comes from Eileen Heckart as Hortense Daigle, the mother of Rhoda's dead schoolmate. Mrs. Daigle has turned to drinking to cope with the tragedy, and she's desperate to find some answers about her son. She goes from laughing and reminiscing about her son to sobbing and accusatory from one second to the next. It's amazing.

All in all, this movie is fun, it's suspenseful, it's creepy, and definitely worth checking out.

ANNOYING AWARD: The landlady Monica Breedlove. Gawd, she's nosy and totally obnoxious.

AWESOME AWARD: Mrs. Daigle for reasons listed above. That's one hell of a performance.

Bottom line: PERFECT CHILDREN ARE CREEPY. That's all!

(As of this writing, it's streamable on Netflix! Check it out!)