It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a girl in possession of good taste, must be in want of a constant stream of Jane Austen adaptions to meet her needs for pretty girliness. However little known the feelings or views of such a reader may be on her first entering a film blog, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the film blogger, that she is considered as the rightful author of some one or other of her pointless "How to Become" guides.
"My dear reader," said the blogger to the reader one day, "have you heard that I've written a guide to becoming a Regency period movie heroine at last?''
The reader replied that she had not.
"But I have," returned she; "for I thought there was a need for that here, and I will tell you all about it."
The reader made no answer.
"Do not you want to know how to become such a heroine?" cried the blogger impatiently.
"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."
Okay sorry, I'll stop.
Step One: Be beautiful. Even if you are described in the novel as being "barely tolerable" or that your "bloom of youth" has left you, this is a movie so you are pretty.
Step Two: Pretty dresses. Wear them. Hats too. Better start practicing your complicated curly updos as well. Oh, and tea. Drink it.
Step Three: Read, and be spunky. You may not be the best musician or painter or the most poised and well mannered young woman, but you know your Shakespeare and your laugh is infectious and you walk through mud and that makes you charming as hell, lady!
Step Four: Don't be a great judge of character right away. Handsome stranger seems too good to be true? He probably is. We call that a Wickham and we get AWAY from that nonsense. But for a while, believe everything he says, fall for his charms, and let him distract you from your true knight in shining armor.
Step Five: Get your man! The RIGHT one. The one that was there all along and was probably kind of a dick but only because he couldn't handle his feelings. No making out until after you're married, though. And try not to lose your sense of fun and adventure, and walking through mud and all that.
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