I went to a screening of The Birds on Wednesday night, and was once again entertained by the somewhat icy and amusingly unlikeable daddy's girl Melanie Daniels, played by Tippi Hedren. She has her redeeming moments, of course, but mostly I just enjoy sniggering at her antics. So you want to be just like her, right ladies? Here's how!
Step One: You've got to dress the part. Chic green suit, fur coat, flawless updo. I'm kinda crazy about this green/gold version, and here's a pretty fabulous fur coat to top it off! Add some shiny peach nailpolish on those talons of yours and you're good to go!
Step Two: Pretend you work someplace you don't. In this case, a bird shop. Who cares if it's obvious to anyone with a brain that you have NO idea what you're talking about? And while you're at it...
Step Three: Lie about everything. Who you know, why you're in town, everything. Don't worry, your guy will think it's adorable when you finally come clean.
Step Four: Stalk men you just barely met. Copy their license plate number, find out their name, address, members of their family, and drive all the way over to their family home just to drop off some lovebirds. In fact, go ahead and let yourself into his house. He won't find it weird at ALL.
Step Five: Try to make better choices. Have birds been attacking? Do you hear the rustling of feathers in an upstairs room? Do you need to go investigate by yourself? No. No you do not. But if you REALLY want to be Melanie Daniels, be my guest. Just make sure you remember how to exit a room you just entered...just in case.
Step Six: Try to avoid birds altogether. There's absolutely NO REASON for you to stick around in case birds start swooping at your face trying to kill you. Go back to San Francisco, you crazy dame!
No comments:
Post a Comment