Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Disney Tarts

Okay, I'll just say right off the bat that this post is kinda anti-feminist...maybe...? Perhaps I'll follow it up with an asskicking Disney girls post to even things out, but this one is dedicated to all the shameless flirts in our beloved childhood films. These girls are obviously looking to get some. You know who I mean! Let's look at some of my favorites...

Burlesque Mouse, The Great Mouse Detective
Okay, so she's technically only working, but she's also technically a stripper, right? In a Disney movie?? Maybe not a stripper, but she's definitely removing clothes on a stage in front of men. She's got a little garter and everything! Get it, girl!

The Girl, The Jungle Book
I guess I shouldn't include a mere child in this category. She's not trying to "get some," unless by "some" you mean "Mowgli" with her come-hither eyes and her hair-twirling and her whoops-I-totally-dropped-my-jug-on-accident routine. Tsk tsk.

The Centaurettes, Fantasia
I think we caught them during mating season. Don't think about that too long. Basically the centaurettes get all dolled up, parade in front of their men, and then act all coy like "Oh us? Is THAT why you all stampeded over here? Tee hee!" *tailflip* *hairflip*

The Bimbettes, Beauty and the Beast
I swear I didn't make up "bimbettes"! Wait, is this fan art? Were they really that busty? *checks DVD* Hmm...it seems somebody shortened their skirts. Whatever! The point is, if Gaston wasn't half so much in love with himself, he would've noticed these three girls stalking him the entire movie. And you know they would've been down for a foursome.

And while we're revisiting Beauty and the Beast...

Being tempted and tormented for all those years when she was just a feather duster must've really pushed her to the edge...she's human again for maybe 30 seconds before she's like "Lumiere, meet me in the broom closet. Now." Do you think Belle fired her when she realized how much hotter she was than her? Hell, I'd tap that!

The Squirrels, The Sword in the Stone
Here's a twofer...these squirrels need it and they need it NOW. They're definitely the most aggressive of this group, stopping just short of knocking their men unconscious and dragging them back to their tree to have their way with them.

The Mermaids, Peter Pan
These girls are not only infatuated with Peter Pan, they're extremely possessive! Oh, another girl in the picture? Let's try to kill her and not even try to hide what we're doing ("We were only trying to drown her!")...I love how these girls just sit around on rocks looking pretty until Peter Pan shows up. They must be bored.

The Girl Bunny, Bambi
She WINS, hands down. With a wave of her bunny ear and a few bats of her eyelashes, Thumper becomes her slave for life. Don't believe me? Watch!

That's a pro right there! Well done, She-Bunny!
Any I missed? Who's your favorite?

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